If elected, there can be no doubt that she will be the hottest woman ever to hold such a high office in history. Lets face it, compared to her, Golda Meir, Maggie Thatcher, Hillary Clinton, Geraldine Ferraro and Indira Gandhi have the visual appeal of runny dog poop.

For those of us smitten by this vision of beauty, we can only hope that her marriage to the first dude, Todd, will end as so many other American marriages do these days; in divorce. Hiring call girls to grab Todd in suggestive areas while having already alerted the ever present left wing paparazzi to an impending photo-op could hasten this process, and get Sarah back on the market.

Now, some would claim that she is not qualified for this office and lacks experience. Yeah, as if Obama has any experience doing any thing other than voting”present”. Lets face it, all the Vice President actually does is cast a tie-breaking vote, attend funerals of foreign dignitaries and occasionally blast a banker who appears too much like a quail while out hunting. We know she can do the first two at least as well as Darth Cheney can and, as to the third, you can bet she would have aimed well enough to finish off the son of a bitch and probably cleaned the remains and cooked them up into an appetizing meal as well. So shes obviously more qualified than the present office holder is.

Some fear that if McCain wins, being older than most garden varieties of dirt, he will soon shuffle off this mortal coil, leaving Sarah as our new leader. After all, the only experience she has is running the largest state in the union, one about a third the size of the lower 48. The other three candidates are far more qualified, all being senators who are basically in charge of nothing. But to give credit where it is due, all three of these morons are the same dolts who helped deregulate the country into the disaster we are presently enjoying. So yes, they have way more experience than Sarah does- experience at screwing things up!

By this point you probably think I’m strongly in favor of Sarah (and John) becoming our new leaders. Nothing could be further from the truth. Have you seen any recent photos of what G.W. looked like at the beginning of his first term and compared them to what he looks like now at the end of his second term? The guy appeared as a vigorous middle-aged man in the earlier times and now looks like cadaverous, rotting roadkill that has been passed through a wringer! Sure you could claim that the stress of 9 11 and the two wars had a lot to do with it, but what about Clinton? He also appeared youthful and strong at the beginning of his term and by the end of the second he had the appearance of a white-haired doddering old codger, and you can’t blame it all on interns BJ’s under the desk in the oval office as the factor which sucked the life out of him. It may have something to do with the intelligence agencies letting them both know who really runs this planet and who really has the preeminant world power on Earth (Atlantis) when they take office!

So unless you want to see Sarah’s heart-stopping beauty transformed into hag-like hideousness and silver-haired wrinkledom, don’t vote for her. Keep Palin beautiful and out of Washington!

In the final analysis, the VP position would end up making her less desirable in other positions;  positions like missionary and doggie-style. But let me stop circumnavigating the crux of my musings and state the obvious: if she had gills, I’d do her!

Hugh Mann

Since, from my perspective, every candidate front runner for both parties qualifies for some if not all of the above-listed categories, I have trouble understanding the unusual hatred directed at candidate Clinton and candidate McCain. One is male, one female. One is ancient, the other just old. One has blond hair and no fashion sense, the other has gray hair and no common sense. On the surface, they seem different. The staunch conservatives think both candidates are liberal pukes who cater to the left wing. The staunch liberals think both candidates are heartless ogres who cater to the right wing. So what is the commonality that draws all this venom, ire and wrath upon them? Americans seem to be united in their disdain of torture and it’s practitioners and willing participants, and this is why I believe these two are so tremendously despised in some quarters.
What is the evidence that leads me to such a weird conclusion? Well, let’s look at the facts about these two candidates.
Hillary didn’t leave bill when he cheated on her, that would’ve played right into his foul plan and let him off too easy, as well. It was more enjoyable to her to remain married to him and maintain her position as “Shadow President” while getting a daily opportunity to brow-beat the supposed leader of the free world for his untrustworthiness, lying, lack of morals and amazingly bad taste in mistresses. Divorcing his sorry ass would have shown real intestinal fortitude and won her some fans, but pretending to forgive him kept her position as “Shadow President” intact and provided the opportunity to rub it in on a daily basis. Clearly, Hillary enjoys torturing people. She does it on practically a daily schedule to total strangers who happen upon any of the ubiquitous broadcasts of debates or interviews with her which befoul the airwaves. These unsuspecting victims find themselves groaning and agonizing their way through yet another set of contrived questions, of journalistic fawning, condescending answers, fake smiles and girlish giggles. If watching her on a regular basis doesn’t qualify as torture, what does? How can her supporters call for an end to waterboarding without feeling any hint of hypocrisy?

McCain, on the other hand, is also pro-torture. Sure, he manages a respectable show of disdain on the subject and likes to recount the misty memories of his own torture experiences at the rat-like hands of America’s Vietnamese foes of years past. Yup, he claims to be against it. But on the other hand he’s not so sure that waterboarding is torture since it doesn’t involve tiger-pits, beatings, political brainwashing attempts, being submerged in sewage, having electrical devices attached to ones testicles, or any of the other leisure-time activities (that the Vietnamese resort personnel used to amuse themselves and their guests) with which McCain became intimately acquainted during his stay at their beautiful luxury resort in the 60′s. Sure, he claims he was a P.O.W., held against his will; but when given the chance to leave he sent someone else in his place and stayed. Why the hell would anyone do something so stark-raving stupid, you ask? Being an officer does not automatically make you stupid (although it helps) so McCain hasn’t got that one for an excuse, although his decision was because of his officer status, or so he claims. He says he was doing what a superior officer should by caring about and showing concern for his underlings and their wellbeing. But what if that’s just political posturing to cover up the fact that he’s a masochist who contracted a severe case of Stockholm syndrome? And being a centrist voter in the republican party regularly earns him the kind of adoration usually reserved for rabid dogs and rotting roadkill. Clearly, candidate McCain enjoys the thrills and chills of being tortured.

I believe this is the commonality of the candidates which makes them so despised!
Hillary enjoys inflicting torture and misery on others, McCain enjoys being tortured and miserable. Sort of makes you wonder why they haven’t ditched their spouses and got together with each other, don’t it? Oh yeah, I forgot. the whole “really ugly” thing that they both have going. My bad!

Apparently a sizable number of Americans really fear McCain becoming president or Hillary becoming president again. Not amongst this sizable number are the sadists who support Hillary and the masochists for McCain.

From an Atlantean perspective, waterboarding is a tried and true medical procedure highly efficacious in curing a respiratory condition known as “dry gill” and not a torture at all. Perhaps torture is in the cruel and unusual eye of the inflicter and the subjective memory of the victim. Or maybe Americans really do have a solid grasp of just what torture is and think that watching or listening to either of the presidential candidates definitely qualifies as torture. My conclusion? A very large number of Americans are not into s&m and their loathing towards both McCain and Clinton is irrefutable proof of this fact!

Hugh Mann

All the applicants for the position you refer to as president ( what is this, a country or a bank?) whatever gender or race they may be, all share one common attribute; inexperience! None are even one century old and certainly have little grasp of the current geo-political situation or the proper use of tyranny and taxation in governance.

They all claim you live in a free country, when, in reality, anyone with an I.Q. higher than a spiny sea urchin can tell you that it’s actually quite expensive to live in your country! The current leader seeks to install free democracies in other counties, when you don’t even have one in your home country (it’s actually an expensive republic). Considering the youth, ignorance and inexperience of your potential leaders, it’s a good thing for you that their advisors who are appointed by the Skull and Bones Society, the Illuminati and the Bilderburgers are actually calling all the shots and making all the decisions for them or you would be in even deeper do-do than you already are!

By the time they start having any grasp of what’s going n they are forced out of office by something called “term limits” which insures a new ignorant and easily controllable pawn will soon succeed them. You go through leaders like a victim of dysentery goes through toilet paper. Fortunately, the ignorant common masses have been fooled into believing that their vote for president actually counts and are blissfully unaware that a secret cabal of the Illuminati’s henchman known as the “electoral college” actually chooses the next president, or Poseidon knows what kind of dunder-headed bumpkins you would actually have in office! Thankfully, there are only a few hundred of these individuals, making coercion and bribery a far simpler task than convincing the ignorant masses to vote for the Illuminati’s favored cats paw could ever be.

As for ‘freedom”, you are free to spend your hard-earned money on bills, consumer goods and taxes. You have the freedom to go on vacations (provided you can afford it and get time off from work) and to travel to wherever your country allows you to go. Sure, you no longer have any right to privacy or to free speech without worrying about losing you job, being sued or jailed, but these freedoms are unnecessary to the perpetuation of the government which rules over you, and they have been working tirelessly to nullify these anarchy enhancing “rights” for decades in order to insure your safety.

So don’t worry about who may win the “election” and ascend to the position of “leader of the free world”; the secret New World Order which controls them will continue to force these officials to become their toadies and will continue to further their secular, amoral agenda. It would seem to me that all this trickery and subterfuge are unnecessary for governance, but what the hell do I know; I’m from Atlantis. God bless America, the leader of the free world and shining example to all!
–Hugh Mann