The Men from Atlantis Communiqués

Love her or hate her, you’ve got to admit one thing about GOP VP candidate Sarah Palin; she is totally hot! Not just hot, but smokin‘ hot. so hot that she probably goes through about a dozen pairs of panties, stockings and bras every day. WHY? Because every time she slides into a new set of undies they spontaneously combust simply as a result of being in contact with that velvety, gun-toting, moose gutting skin of hers! In fact, in her case. GOP VP undoubtedly stands for Goddess Of Politics, Very Provocative! from the sleek. curvaceous body to the delicately coiffed hair, soft brown eyes and luscious lips to the slinky dress subtly displaying her world-class gams and even her naughty school-marm glasses. this woman simply oozes sexiness!  Of course the whole thing was carefully calculated to aid her in winning the VP debate. It certainly worked from my standpoint; Every time the camera was on her I was absolutely incapable of maintaining my concentration on anything she was talking about and could only stare at her with open-mouthed admiration accompanied by a noticeable turgidity in the groinal region. Biden, for his part, was incapable of launching any sort of attack against her, but to his credit. did his best not to wipe the drool away from the edges of his mouth while the cameras were trained on him.

If elected, there can be no doubt that she will be the hottest woman ever to hold such a high office in history. Lets face it, compared to her, Golda Meir, Maggie Thatcher, Hillary Clinton, Geraldine Ferraro and Indira Gandhi have the visual appeal of runny dog poop.

For those of us smitten by this vision of beauty, we can only hope that her marriage to the first dude, Todd, will end as so many other American marriages do these days; in divorce. Hiring call girls to grab Todd in suggestive areas while having already alerted the ever present left wing paparazzi to an impending photo-op could hasten this process, and get Sarah back on the market.

Now, some would claim that she is not qualified for this office and lacks experience. Yeah, as if Obama has any experience doing any thing other than voting”present”. Lets face it, all the Vice President actually does is cast a tie-breaking vote, attend funerals of foreign dignitaries and occasionally blast a banker who appears too much like a quail while out hunting. We know she can do the first two at least as well as Darth Cheney can and, as to the third, you can bet she would have aimed well enough to finish off the son of a bitch and probably cleaned the remains and cooked them up into an appetizing meal as well. So shes obviously more qualified than the present office holder is.

Some fear that if McCain wins, being older than most garden varieties of dirt, he will soon shuffle off this mortal coil, leaving Sarah as our new leader. After all, the only experience she has is running the largest state in the union, one about a third the size of the lower 48. The other three candidates are far more qualified, all being senators who are basically in charge of nothing. But to give credit where it is due, all three of these morons are the same dolts who helped deregulate the country into the disaster we are presently enjoying. So yes, they have way more experience than Sarah does- experience at screwing things up!

By this point you probably think I’m strongly in favor of Sarah (and John) becoming our new leaders. Nothing could be further from the truth. Have you seen any recent photos of what G.W. looked like at the beginning of his first term and compared them to what he looks like now at the end of his second term? The guy appeared as a vigorous middle-aged man in the earlier times and now looks like cadaverous, rotting roadkill that has been passed through a wringer! Sure you could claim that the stress of 9 11 and the two wars had a lot to do with it, but what about Clinton? He also appeared youthful and strong at the beginning of his term and by the end of the second he had the appearance of a white-haired doddering old codger, and you can’t blame it all on interns BJ’s under the desk in the oval office as the factor which sucked the life out of him. It may have something to do with the intelligence agencies letting them both know who really runs this planet and who really has the preeminant world power on Earth (Atlantis) when they take office!

So unless you want to see Sarah’s heart-stopping beauty transformed into hag-like hideousness and silver-haired wrinkledom, don’t vote for her. Keep Palin beautiful and out of Washington!

In the final analysis, the VP position would end up making her less desirable in other positions;  positions like missionary and doggie-style. But let me stop circumnavigating the crux of my musings and state the obvious: if she had gills, I’d do her!

Hugh Mann