The Men from Atlantis Communiqués

Election venom. I don’t get it. Sure, maybe you don’t much care for one of the presidential candidates. Maybe you think they are lacking in character, intelligence or any hint of common sense. Maybe you think they are ineffective, indifferent, incapable or just plain ugly. maybe you think they lack any morals or core beliefs and are willing to say or promise anything in order to feed their bloated ego’s and ride the executive gravy train for four years. Maybe you’re right.

Since, from my perspective, every candidate front runner for both parties qualifies for some if not all of the above-listed categories, I have trouble understanding the unusual hatred directed at candidate Clinton and candidate McCain. One is male, one female. One is ancient, the other just old. One has blond hair and no fashion sense, the other has gray hair and no common sense. On the surface, they seem different. The staunch conservatives think both candidates are liberal pukes who cater to the left wing. The staunch liberals think both candidates are heartless ogres who cater to the right wing. So what is the commonality that draws all this venom, ire and wrath upon them? Americans seem to be united in their disdain of torture and it’s practitioners and willing participants, and this is why I believe these two are so tremendously despised in some quarters.
What is the evidence that leads me to such a weird conclusion? Well, let’s look at the facts about these two candidates.
Hillary didn’t leave bill when he cheated on her, that would’ve played right into his foul plan and let him off too easy, as well. It was more enjoyable to her to remain married to him and maintain her position as “Shadow President” while getting a daily opportunity to brow-beat the supposed leader of the free world for his untrustworthiness, lying, lack of morals and amazingly bad taste in mistresses. Divorcing his sorry ass would have shown real intestinal fortitude and won her some fans, but pretending to forgive him kept her position as “Shadow President” intact and provided the opportunity to rub it in on a daily basis. Clearly, Hillary enjoys torturing people. She does it on practically a daily schedule to total strangers who happen upon any of the ubiquitous broadcasts of debates or interviews with her which befoul the airwaves. These unsuspecting victims find themselves groaning and agonizing their way through yet another set of contrived questions, of journalistic fawning, condescending answers, fake smiles and girlish giggles. If watching her on a regular basis doesn’t qualify as torture, what does? How can her supporters call for an end to waterboarding without feeling any hint of hypocrisy?

McCain, on the other hand, is also pro-torture. Sure, he manages a respectable show of disdain on the subject and likes to recount the misty memories of his own torture experiences at the rat-like hands of America’s Vietnamese foes of years past. Yup, he claims to be against it. But on the other hand he’s not so sure that waterboarding is torture since it doesn’t involve tiger-pits, beatings, political brainwashing attempts, being submerged in sewage, having electrical devices attached to ones testicles, or any of the other leisure-time activities (that the Vietnamese resort personnel used to amuse themselves and their guests) with which McCain became intimately acquainted during his stay at their beautiful luxury resort in the 60′s. Sure, he claims he was a P.O.W., held against his will; but when given the chance to leave he sent someone else in his place and stayed. Why the hell would anyone do something so stark-raving stupid, you ask? Being an officer does not automatically make you stupid (although it helps) so McCain hasn’t got that one for an excuse, although his decision was because of his officer status, or so he claims. He says he was doing what a superior officer should by caring about and showing concern for his underlings and their wellbeing. But what if that’s just political posturing to cover up the fact that he’s a masochist who contracted a severe case of Stockholm syndrome? And being a centrist voter in the republican party regularly earns him the kind of adoration usually reserved for rabid dogs and rotting roadkill. Clearly, candidate McCain enjoys the thrills and chills of being tortured.

I believe this is the commonality of the candidates which makes them so despised!
Hillary enjoys inflicting torture and misery on others, McCain enjoys being tortured and miserable. Sort of makes you wonder why they haven’t ditched their spouses and got together with each other, don’t it? Oh yeah, I forgot. the whole “really ugly” thing that they both have going. My bad!

Apparently a sizable number of Americans really fear McCain becoming president or Hillary becoming president again. Not amongst this sizable number are the sadists who support Hillary and the masochists for McCain.

From an Atlantean perspective, waterboarding is a tried and true medical procedure highly efficacious in curing a respiratory condition known as “dry gill” and not a torture at all. Perhaps torture is in the cruel and unusual eye of the inflicter and the subjective memory of the victim. Or maybe Americans really do have a solid grasp of just what torture is and think that watching or listening to either of the presidential candidates definitely qualifies as torture. My conclusion? A very large number of Americans are not into s&m and their loathing towards both McCain and Clinton is irrefutable proof of this fact!

Hugh Mann